A New Start

With this blog; I think it is time. I have been neglectful and possibly should be taken to blogger jail and have my blog taken away and cared for by someone else.

A quick catch up with my life so far:
I have finished my first year at uni and got 62% overall which is a 2:1 which is good! To all you people who don't know uni jargon, 70% is a First and that is what everyone aims for really (I know its stupid but that's just the way it is!)
I have LITERALLY become obsessed with Stephen King, he is a fantastic writer and is my new role model.
At the minute I am back home because uni is finished until September, we finished in April though! I can move into my new flat on the 14th of July though and I am pretty excited. I am living with two really nice girls, should be fun :)
My friend and I have submitted our finished novel to a competition and are waiting impatiently to hear from them. They say we should hear by late July whether we have been shortlisted. The prize is a publishing contract which is really exciting!
I have been to France to visit the family and it was really good but the weather was disappointing. My sisters are growing up beautifully, but way too quick!
Other than that I still really have no life what so ever, but I am determined to return to pointlessly filling this blog with my ramblings :)

New Hair, New Life

I got my hair cut today, a fringe!! I have had my side parting for at least 7 years? Something like that anyway, and then suddenly on the spur of the moment I decided to get a fringe. Crazy, yes. It looks alright though :) I got a few looks walking through town, though they very easily could have been laughing. I must say I feel very strange with this fringe, seeing it above my eyes all the time, it will definitely take some getting used to! But I like it so far.

Before

After

Tomorrow we go on a trip with uni to Yorkshire Sculpture Park, which yes I went to only a month ago. However its a new exhibition so it should be good. I have a strong feeling they will make us walk the whole way round which is VERY far, so I'm not looking forward to that, but I do need the exercise: I feel like I've abandoned the gym. I'm on this diet you see, so far I lost 9lbs but I'm pretty sure I put some back on because I had some treats but yeah, the 3 mile walk will help :) I'm mostly excited because its just like a school trip :) so should be really fun.

And I've just realised I have just revealed my face for everyone to see. Well, there you go :) thats me!

Pretty on the Inside and Out

Yeah right. All I can say to these people is, who are you kidding? Maybe someone can be beautiful on the inside, if who they are trying to please likes that kind of personality, or shares the same interests. But on the whole I would say on the inside we are all abstract and weird, misshapen and frail. This isn't so much a bad thing, I am not trying to say we are all weirdo's and are messed up in some way. I am just trying to say that we are all different and because there is so much less pressure put on our personality than our looks, that is OK.

However when appearance becomes involved it is a whole different story. I, just like everyone else in the world, desperately seek acceptance. Most of us dress up, cake our faces with makeup, hit the gym and diet all just in the hope that one day someone will comment on how nice we look, have we lost weight etc. Those who do none of those things are the people who gave up a long time ago, and those who say they never were like that, you aren't fooling anyone. Every single one of us gets that lovely feeling deep down inside, the warmth that you can physically feel, when someone compliments you. Then you go home and look in the mirror and think, maybe they're right. After that we allow ourselves a tiny moment of self worth. This lasts only until the next time you look at yourself in the mirror. The next time you look you think, I haven't lost weight, what am I wearing? I look awful today. We bombard ourselves with self destructive comments that eat away at our ego. We watch films with beautiful women and think, I could never ever be like that. Every day we wish to be more than we are, but already know that we can never be more than what is right there in front of us. Sure, we can lose a few pounds here and there, spend a fortune on a new dress that only gets worn once or twice, but in the end it comes back down to the same fact. We all want to be told we are beautiful.

I am one of these people. Now when having my weight guessed this weekend by someone close to me, and they suggest 15 stone, I suddenly realised how the world sees me. I wont say how much I do weigh, but I will say it is less than 15 stone, and as any woman, and probably man too, knows that when someone thinks you are heavier than you are, that screams one thing: FAT.

I have never been good at taking my own advice. I was going to use this post to make a comment about real women, and about how beautiful every single one of us is. But I wouldn't take that on board myself. I do however want to start an exercise and I urge anyone who reads this, man or woman, to take part. I want to create a post telling the world how beautiful we are. Post anonymously if you want, that's fine. But tell me, what is the one thing you like best about yourself?

I'll start. I love my eyes and my eyelashes.

And then, just to brighten someone else's life that little bit, send your best friend a compliment, or next time you see someone tell them something you like about what they're wearing, or how they have done their hair.

Random Thoughts About Life

This morning I woke up thinking about my dad. Possibly because someone had posted something on Facebook about having the best dad in the world. I know that everyone says that, and the truth is that if a dad has stuck around in your life then that makes them pretty great to start with. I hate it when people who have both their mum and dad in the same house (or even in the same country!) talk about how they hate their dads and that they're so annoying etc etc. How do you think I feel? My dad left when I was about three (i think) and when I was eight he married my step mum. About four years ago, maybe a little less, they moved to France taking my two little sisters with them (obviously as kids that age can't exactly be left behind). I hate it. I hate that they are always so far away. I see my dad every so often when he comes over to England for work, but that's only every couple of months. I see my sisters for about two weeks once a year. It really does kill me but then I think, I have to be grateful that my dad even wanted to keep contact. There are plenty of dads out there that just left their children and disappeared. I sometimes wonder what kind of person I would be if I hadn't have had a father figure in my life. It's impossible to say really, same for if I tried to guess what I would be like if he and my mum had stayed together. But looking at it from my position now, I'm glad that both my parents are married to other people now because if they weren't I wouldn't have my two beautiful little sisters and I wouldn't have either of my step parents. I think for a girl who mostly grew up a single child with one parent around most of the time (I did used to spend every other weekend with my dad but now I wish I had spent longer with him), I didn't turn out too bad. I definitely didn't turn into what the media suggests I should have. So all I wanted to say was that I also think I have pretty amazing parents - my mum for bringing me up and my dad for not deciding to abandon me.